This is Clever Knots playing live at Havana Club, Grand Cayman on August 4th 2010. Unfortunately the video quality’s not great, but hopefully some better ones are to follow soon!  They’re a fantastic new band playing all original music, who are just starting to break into the music scene, so make sure you get in there now and when everyone else tells you about them you can be super cool and tell them you heard of these guys first.  Check them out in all the usual places – youtube, twitter, facebook, and flickr, and give the guys a hand breaking into an incredibly tough industry. Seriously, these guys are worth a look, they’re so original and so varied in their style and they’re incredibly talented.  Lots of luck Clever Knots – just remember the little people when you make it big

Friends I’ve made:

-Adam, Rachel, Sam, Greg, Rich, R

Friends I’ve lost:

-R, Chard

Good things I’ve done:

- Started a charity clothes drive at work

- Volunteered to help repaint inner-city schools

- Paid my mum back most of the money she lent me over the years

Bad things I’ve done:

- Got ‘too close’ to a friend when we should’ve both known better (nothing happened, but that’s not the point)

Places I’ve visited:

- Baltimore, Grand Cayman, Brighton, Glasgow, London

Steps I’ve taken to ‘settle’ in Chicago:

- Kitted out my apartment with my Xbox and a big ol’ TV on which to play it (42″ of flat-screen pleasure )

- Made friends outside of my work circle

- Started to make the most of Chicago and all it has to offer

Bands I’ve seen:

- The Killers, the Doves, The Manics, The Arctic Monkeys, The Fray, Colbie Caillat

Good games I’ve played:

- Mass Effect, Viva Pinata, Dragon Age: Origins, Professor Layton and Pandora’s Box, Lost Odyssey, Magic The Gathering: Duels of the Plainswalkers

Average games I’ve played:

- Ghostbusters, Half Life 2

Bad games I’ve played:

- Batman: Arkham Asylum, Brutal Legend

Things I’ve learnt:

- Friendships which burn the most intensely don’t necessarily stand the test of time

- The most common lie people tell is “I’m not like everyone else” (3 guys tried that on me this year and so far 2 of them have turned out, in fact, to be just like everyone else – I sense an upcoming article…)

- You can’t rely on other people to make you happy – they may help, but you can’t count on them or when it all falls apart you’ll be in a worse situation than you were before

So there you have it, a very brief summary of the last 365 days.  I’m sure there are significant things I’ve done or games I’ve played that I’ve temporarily forgotten about, but for now this is what I remember…  Happy New Year to all of you, and here’s to 2010 being even better than 2009…

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against vegetarians or vegans as such, but I couldn’t help but laugh, out loud, lots when I saw this.

I checked out where this had come from and initially thought it was a picture version of Found magazine, which I guess to an extent it is, but nonetheless it’s very deserving of it’s own recognition.  So if you fancy a bit of a laugh then please, please check out the rest of their pictures and even their site – it’ll lift your spirits, I guarantee it!

This article is a response to the recent, and to my mind, troubling results of the popular vote in many states across the US. The idea is to respond to some of the most commonly used arguments against same-sex marriage.

1.Homosexuality is a lifestyle choice and a sin.  Therefore they must live with the consequences. I have also seen comparisons of the ‘sin’ of homosexuals to that of murderers and drink drivers whom we don’t allow to ‘reoffend’.  As far as I am aware, at no point does someone sit down and choose their sexuality.  Not once did I sit down and decide to be straight, decide who I would develop feelings for, and I don’t believe anyone else does either.  Love and attraction are not things you can control, they come from deep within, they are unique to each individual.  In the animal kingdon, perhaps, mating is based on the person you think will offer your offspring the best chance of survival, but we like to think that we have progressed beyond that point.  As for comparing homosexuality to murder or accidents through drink driving, I have met, interacted with, befriended, many people who are homosexual or bisexual, and not once have I felt that my personal safety was in danger as a result of their sexuality.  That’s the difference – murderers, drink drivers, rapists, molesters – they actually hurt people by their actions, homosexuals don’t.  If you insist on comparing it to a sin it’s closer to blasphemy – noone actually gets hurt when you do it, it just makes some people upset and apparently upsets God.

2. The Bible states that homosexuality is wrong. Homosexuality is indeed a sin under Old Testament law, which was largely abandoned in the New Testament because people decided it was outdated and no longer appropriate for their society.  However they choose to keep to the 10 Commandments, which are, incidentally, in the Old Testament – picking and choosing which parts of the Bible they follow.  Also, the word translated as ‘detestable’ or ‘an abomination’ is a mis-translation from the Aramaic – it actually means ‘frowned upon’ – far less severe and much more tolerant, which was my understanding of what modern Christianity was about – love they neighbour and all that…  Also, if you choose to keep to Old Testament Law then you should also remember to stone people publicly for planting 2 different crops in the same field, burn them for wearing garments of a mixed fabric, and of course, approve of slavery as it is quite clearly and categorically sanctioned in the Bible.

3. The argument against homosexuality is repeated in the New Testament, which the other Levitican Laws are not. The rephrasing in the New Testament of ‘natural’ and ‘unnatural’ when referring to heterosexual and homosexual loveis again, open to debate.  In the original this word can mean ‘common’ and ‘uncommon’.  The people who translated the Bible from Aramaic put their own slant on words, which was then done again my those who translated it into the vernacular.  Different versions of the Bible use different words in the same verses, meaning if you are going to focus on specific words and phrases you should be aware that you are often reading a mis-translation. (On that point, the word translated as ‘virgin’, simply means ‘young girl’ – it was the Latin version that first used virgin…)  Again, ‘perversion’ where it is used is being understood with a 21st Century mind – the true meaning of the word ‘perversion’ is to reverse the trend or direction of something – we are the ones who have added the ‘dirty’ aspect to it in our understanding – it’s not there in the original meaning of the word.

4.  We can’t allow gay couples to adopt, it will destroy the family unit and increase the number of children who grow up to be gay. Allowing and accepting gay marriage would increase the rate of adoption and the availability of loving homes and families for children who otherwise would not have that as an option.  It does not destroy the family unit, simply increases the number of family units available.  The traditional argument against this, if a gay couple adopt a child it will grow up to be gay, (which people don’t like the idea of, hence it being one of their objections) is a ridiculous idea.  If that were the case then heterosexual couples would only ever raise heterosexual children, and given that there are gay people in the world and have been since long before gay marriage was allowed, the argument just doesn’t work.

5. Marriage is a Christian institution, allowing homosexuals to marry goes again Christian teaching. Marriage is not a Christian institution.  It was around long before Christianity was ever thought of, long before Judaism, out of which Christianity grew, was ever thought of.  The Ancient Greeks married one another, the Egyptians, the Native Americans, the Angles, the Jutes, the Goths, the Visigoths, the Saxons, the Vikings – all of these groups predate Christianity and all of them had marriage ceremonies dating back to before Christianity existed.  If you need more modern examples, Jews have marriage ceremonies as do Hindus, Sikhs, Muslims, Buddhists and every other group in society.  Many people choose to have their union blessed by their religion to increase its meaning and significance to them, but that does not make it the exclusive right of that religion to get married.  Unless you are planning on saying that only Christian marriages are legal then once again this argument does not stand up. The reason Christ compared his relationship to the Church (though at that time it would have been a Temple or a Synagogue, since he was Jewish himself) to a marriage was for the very fact that it was an ancient institution that predated his existence and therefore something that he knew people would be able to associate with.

6. Homosexual men are allowed to marry one woman, in just the same way heterosexual men are, therefore they do not have fewer rights at all, they have exactly the same rights. In a purely literal sense, yes, homosexual men, for instance, do have the same rights as heterosexual men in that they are each entitled to marry one woman.  However, this completely contradicts the argument about marriage being based around love – heterosexuals have the right to marry someone they love, homosexuals don’t.  How would people feel if they were told that they were not allowed to marry because they are different heights?  It is as ridiculous and as uncontrollable as sexuality, and takes away their right to marry someone they love, yet they would still have the right to marry someone of the opposite gender.  Would people be satisfied?

7. There is no evidence that homosexuality occurs naturally in the animal kingdom, therefore it must be unnatural and a choice of the individuals. There is scientific debate over whether or not homosexuality occurs in the animal kingdom.  Some scientists will argue that it does, some will argue that it doesn’t.  As I am not a biologist, and this one is not really a matter of opinion but more a case of research, I will defer to those more knowledgeable on the subject, and suggest that people fully read around the topic, looking at both sides of the debate, not just that with which they agree.

8. People would not argue this point with other religions, yet they think it is acceptable to argue with Christians. I would have no issue discussing this with someone approaching it from a Muslim or other standpoint, but since I used to be a relatively devout Christian I have more background knowledge of the teachings and specifics of the Bible than I would of the Qu’ran for instance.  My argument is not with Christianity, but more the selective use of it to influence secular law, and the selective following of its teachings – that was what initially made me question and indeed later abandon my faith in the first place – people preach love and tolerance, but practice judgement and intolerance, and the hypocrisy did not fit with how I wanted to live my life.

9. Allowing same-sex marriage would change the foundation of marriage and the family unit, and therefore shake the stability of society. No-one is suggesting that the foundation of marriage be changed.  No-one is suggesting that ‘traditional’ marriage be outlawed in favour of same-sex marriage.  It does not attack the family unit, simply broaden the concept of it.  Heterosexual marriages have, for millenia, produced those who would seek to damage society in various ways.  There is no evidence that allowing same-sex marriages would increase the damage being done to society.  In the UK, where same-sex marriages have been legal for some time, there has been no sudden increase in crime or divorce, there was not a mass defection to ‘the other side’ by those who had previously been in heterosexual marriages but now thought they fancied this other option better.  It simply opened up the option for people to create more family units, for people to love one another and raise a loving family – children raised by a homosexual couple are not more likely to offend or lack the concept of right and wrong.  If anything it increases tolerance and removes prejudice which has to be a good thing.  As one of my friends put it, the fewer children we find hanging on the end of a rope or slicing into their arms because they have been made to believe they are evil for something they can’t control, the better.

10. It is the commitment before God that you will stay together for life that makes marriage important. I agree that marriage should be a commitment, it should not be undertaken lightly, and it should be for life, however, I think the personalities of the individuals have more bearing on this than whether or not the ceremony is performed in a church or other religious institution.  Unfortunately I know many people who’s parents divorced, despite swearing before God that they would stay together for life.  Equally, my uncle had a civil marriage, yet he and his wife worked through their issues and have stayed together because they believe marriage should be forever – there was no religious aspect to their union, but they believe marriage is important and you should work through issues together.  Religion didn’t come into it, yet their family unit stayed together, because they had made a commitment to each other, which to them was just as important as any couple who make a commitment to God.  Would their sense of love and commitment be any different if they were the same gender?  I don’t believe so.

Well, I thought it was about time I wrote another of these, so I find myself tackling love and friendship.  I put them together because in my mind friendship, real friendship that is, is a type of love.  It seems strangely appropriate that this is the next in my ‘series’ since I was recently deeply hurt by someone I considered to be a very close friend, and it hammered into me the importance that we place on those we trust for our happiness, be they friends, family or partners.  Perhaps I take things more personally than others, perhaps I overreact to the feeling of losing someone, or perhaps I’m just a bit more honest with myself, and evidently others, about how much it hurts when you lose someone you thought you could count on, someone you thought was there for you, someone who made you smile.  However it happens, whoever’s to blame, the feeling of loneliness, the questioning of yourself, is the same, and, frankly, it’s dreadful.

To me the feeling of being truly cared about by another human being is vital, and it’s easiest to understand how important love is when you think of an occasion where you feel like you’ve lost it.  As I mentioned, I was recently hurt by a friend, and the feeling that they just didn’t care was devastating.  It’s a long story that I won’t elaborate on here, but they were so very important to me, and I had believed I was important to them, only to realise that really, I couldn’t have been.  (Perhaps it was arrogance on my part believing they valued my friendship more highly than they did, but that is a discussion for another time…)  Despite trying to move past it, there’s now this irreparable rift that wasn’t there before, I feel like I’ve lost one of my best friends, and it hurt so much, indeed it still does if I dwell on it for too long.  Their friendship mattered, it made me happy, and the feeling left behind when it fell apart was awful.  It’s a mixture of sadness, emptiness, self-doubt and profound loneliness, and it’s a black mixture which if left unchallenged will eat you up from the inside.  Not so very long before that I had my heart broken by someone who I believed, at the time, I was in love with.  I look back on it now and feel a sense of relief, because those people who truly love me, not necessarily in a romantic way, have made me see why I am better off now than I ever could have been in the relationship, and that is part of what makes love and friendship so very important.

The reason these tales of woe are relevant in proving my point is how destitute things seemed when it all went wrong, particularly the first time…  I was a mess, I fell apart and it felt like things would never get any better.  That feeling of having been abandoned, of having someone who had told you they loved you turn their back on you was like someone had ripped out my insides, and it took me a long time to show any signs of recovering from it; and it was the love of other people that helped me through.  People showed they cared, little things, gestures really – picking me up a coffee when they went out to get their lunch (those of you that know me will know how much a decent coffee means to me ), taking me out to random places in the evenings just so I wasn’t sat at home alone feeling miserable, offering distractions, turning up at the door with a pizza and a bottle of wine claiming they were the ones who needed company, taking time out, even when they were crazily busy, to make sure that I wasn’t alone, that I wasn’t unhappy.  They were little things, but they worked like a charm.  Knowing that I had all these people around me, who would go out of their way to make sure I was ok, is what made me ok.  And then there was the unfaltering support and encouragement of my friends at home too, staying up ridiculously late to talk to me if I phoned upset, arranging visits over here, things for us to do when I was home, not judging me for something which they had warned me would happen months and months previously.  Having the love of my friends got me through, and without them I don’t know where I’d be.  Perhaps the loss of someone’s love is necessary to truly make you value the love you have, and to make you cautious of whom you trust with your heart (even if it takes some of us twice to get the message!).

As for satisfaction with what we have, this one is more open for discussion I suppose.  I don’t think anyone ever really is satisfied, hence why we are willing to keep putting ourselves out there, to make new friends, try new relationships.  We constantly pick ourselves up and try again, and perhaps we are a little more cautious the second, third, fourth time, but we still want to believe that there’s more love out there for us to receive, more love that we have to give.  We may not actively seek it in the same way as other things, but we certainly don’t slam the door in its face when it shows up.

Taken from tiki.oneworld.net

Well, this is very overdue by now, isn’t it…  Firstly I apologise for the delay in this article, but on the upside I have been involved in various activities which put me in an even better position to write this article – one in which I am going to explain why we need stuff to make us happy, and try to decide whether we will ever have enough ‘stuff’ to be satisfied.  I have been clearing out childhood belongings from my mother’s house and moving everything I own this side of the Atlantic between my old and new apartments – never before have I been so acutely aware of quite how many possessions I have…

So, ‘stuff’ or perhaps ‘belongings’ would be more correct.  I should be clear that I don’t mean the basics.  I’m assuming we’d all agree that you need clothes on your back, somewhere to sleep, basic amenities; I mean the more ‘luxury’ items – things that are not essential to your survival at a basic level, but are, in my opinion, fundamental to your happiness.  These will differ from person to person, for some it’ll be a tv, a computer, a games console, a stereo; for others it’ll be a collection of model trains, a pet/pets, a decent car, clothes, shoes, handbags, dvds, gadgets… The list is potentially endless but you get the idea…

The problem with admitting that you need possessions to make you happy is that everyone can hear the whispers of those around, the gasps and utterances – ‘Oooh, I never had her down as such a materialistic person’, ‘Well that’s just greedy’, ‘There’s a difference between what you need and what you want, you know’ – you get the picture.  All because everyone is afraid of being judged by everyone else.  However, if you look at those doing the judging, you’ll find that they too have their ‘essential’ possessions – they have their cars, tvs, handbags, shoes, mobiles, etc too, and if they had to do without them, they would not be best pleased.  Fact.

I had a discussion about this with one of my friends not so very long ago, and he was trying to tell me that possessions were not important for your happiness.  However, for me they’re important largely because they’re a part of expressing who you are, a point my friend did concede, perhaps somewhat reluctantly, in our recent discussion.  For example: my dvd collection is very different to my best friend’s, though we both have a positively vast collection, but this reflects our different personalities.  I’m not saying my life would be over without my dvds but if you were to take away them, and my tv, and my stereo, and my laptop, and my xbox, and my camera, and my books etc  I reckon I’d be a lot more miserable a lot more of the time than I generally get at the moment…

If everyone is truly honest with themselves, and don’t worry, I won’t make you admit it out loud, but if you really look inside yourself, you know that there are things in your life that you really don’t want to live without.  You know that there are things in your life which make you happy because of the comfort or the escapism they provide.  You know that you need your stuff as much as I do to be happy.  The lack of those items wouldn’t cause your life to stop, but you would certainly be less satisfied without those things. The problem, however, is where does it stop?

We are rarely, if ever, satisfied with what we have.  We always want a bigger apartment, a nicer car, more games, the latest mobile phone, whatever it may be that reminds us our wallets and our plastic money are oh so very close to our itchy fingers.  Whether our reasoning for this is that we don’t want to feel ‘left out’ (“everyone else has got one, so why don’t I?”) or we want to better someone else or that we just really want it, there’s always more new stuff on the horizon, and people will always look at it and think ‘I really wish I could afford that’.  It might not play on your mind all the time, but it’s there.  The bottom line is that as long as there’s more out there that we don’t have or can’t afford, we will never be completely satisfied.  We might tell ourselves that we are, we might even tell others that we don’t need a fancy phone or another new handbag, but we all know that deep down inside, if we could, we’d have it in a flash.  And that is why we’ll never be satisfied.  It’s not coincidence that people with lots of money have more, bigger, better stuff than the rest of us.  We can sit here and judge them for being frivolous, we can say “nobody needs a house that big” or “they can only drive one car at once, why do they need 7?” But maybe cars or houses just aren’t our itch.  If we had the money we’d spend it.  I’ve never had a pay rise yet that I haven’t been able to spend just as easily as I could my previous salary, I just have more stuff now than I did when I earnt less money.  Why?  Because I need it, because that feeling when I walk out of the shop with my new toy is a good one, I’m happy for that moment in time and when the shine wears off, I go do it all over again.  And, if you’re honest, so do you.

So this is the third of my ‘fundamentals’ – security, and unlike the first 2 it has the advantage of not having a bad rep… This has the added bonus of me not feeling the need to ramble on for too long in order to justify its inclusion in the list.

For me this one is really a combination of others, having enough money set aside that should anything happen with my job I could survive for hopefully long enough to find another, having a roof over my head, knowing my loved ones are ok, being in good health, largely being free from any external threats, knowing that there are people around to help me out if I need it…  So it’s a combination, but again, not one that I can really see many people disputing, does anyone want to live not knowing whether they’ll survive the day?  Where their next meal is coming from?  How they’re going to pay the rent?  I just can’t see it.

Security is not the feeling suggested by the image above, that your every move is being supervised, that there’s always someone looking over your shoulder to keep you on the right track, rather the feeling of a safety net, things that are there to catch you if (or maybe more realistically ‘when’) you fall.  Some of these things are within our control, others aren’t.

Financial security is within our control to an extent, we save what we can, and don’t spend beyond our means if we want to feel secure about our money.  We pay off our debts, we don’t ignore the bills and bank statements when they arrive, and if we find ourselves in dire straits, we take any job going in order to make ends meet.  It may not feel that secure at the time, but we know that we’re keeping our head above water, and if we can’t then we feel miserable.  I’m sure we’ve all had those moments where we think about our finances and get that knot in our stomach, knowing that the next paycheck just isn’t going to arrive in time…  Essentially financial security makes you happy, or at least, it helps.

Personal security is just as important, the safer your area, whether for work or for home, the better you feel.  That one’s obvious, noone wants to live knowing that they may be attacked, robbed, mugged, burgled…  Unfortunately these things can never be fully avoided, people who may seem harmless can turn out to be a threat to your personal security and certainly your happiness.  I always thought my life relatively secure and uneventful, mundane even, yet not so very long ago had to call the police to intervene with a ‘situation’ that had gone long past bearable – knowing they were willing and able to help, however, and that I can call them at any time should anything else happen, raised my spirits no end, I felt as if a weight had been lifted, because I now had that element of my security back.  And that fits in with emotional security too – knowing there are people who are willing to help you should you need it.  The police dealt with what I feared was an actual physical threat, my friends and family dealt with the emotional threat.  They restored my confidence, restored my happiness, and I couldn’t have done it without them – people being there to catch you when you fall, are essential to your security, and consequently your happiness.

In contrast to some of the others I’ll discuss in this series, this is one area where I think we can be satisfied, almost.  There will always be an element of concern over whether we have enough put aside for a rainy day, and if we are unfortunate enough to run into untrustworthy characters (and who isn’t at some point in life?) then it can take a long time to get back to a place where you can trust people; but ultimately, most people can reach a place where they feel secure, and confident that their safety net won’t tear at that crucial moment.

I remember how much I fell about laughing the first time I watched this, so thought I’d post it as a little reminder that things aren’t always so intense

And so onto our second ‘fundamental’ – power.  This is another thing which, like money, has a bad rep – as the picture says, ‘power corrupts’ but I guess it depends on what you mean by power really.  When you talk about people having power, it conjurs up images of people striving for world-domination, but that’s not what I’m talking about in this context.  The power that I consider to be fundamental to your happiness is a power over yourself, a feeling of control over your life.

I realise there will be some people who argue that you always have this control, but I would beg to differ.  We relinquish control of certain aspects of our life regularly – sometimes subconsciously, sometimes willingly, at least at first.  I thought this would be a really simple one to discuss, but the more I think about it, the more facets I see to it, so I’m going to try and limit myself and I apologise if there’s anything I miss that people think is vitally important, please feel free to add your comments…

So, first off, emotional power.  How much control do we really have?  And why does it matter?  And if it matters, why do we relinquish that control?  (Because we do, regularly)

Less than a week ago I had one of my friends sat on my sofa in tears because she’d had an argument with her boyfriend and he’d had to go to bed before they could resolve it (ah, the joys of trying to maintain a long distance relationship, it sucks, make no mistake about it, but I guess that should be saved for when we reach ‘Love’ as a fundamental…) and she just sat there saying ‘I wish I didn’t cry…  Why do I always cry about it?’  This is the power I’m talking about relinquishing.  She loves her boyfriend dearly, and consequently has relinquished emotional control, to an extent, to him.  She has trusted him with that control, and, since he is only human, with the best will in the world, he sometimes gets it wrong.  We give up emotional control so freely, and so much of the time it leads to real unhappiness.  This can happen in love (how many times have you had or witnessed someone trample all over feelings they’d been trusted with as if they were completely meaningless?), in friendship, or even in the workplace.  I find it very hard to do my job properly without becoming very invested in the kids.  I trust them not to let me down.  I don’t believe you can be a good teacher without being emotionally invested, but you do undoubtedly relinquish some control, and thereby some power.  This always brings with it the risk of being disappointed and, for a short while at least, unhappy.  So why do we do it?  Perhaps because if we didn’t ever trust other people with that control we’d be even more miserable?  Because if you don’t risk the unhappiness, you don’t get the joy either.  It’s in relinquishing that control that you allow others to make you happy, and hopefully, if it reaches the point where the negative outweighs the positive, you can find it in yourself to take back control.  It might take a while, and it won’t be easy, but it can be done.

So what about power over our day to day lives?  This one’s pretty much impossible to have, unless you are actually omnipotent, which, as far as I’m aware, nobody is.  We all have to do a certain amount, often that we don’t really want to.  I have to pay my taxes, I have to be at work at a certain time until a certain time and do certain tasks while I’m there (at least, I do if I don’t want to give up the luxury of being paid), I have to follow the rules at work and in society.  I have little to no control over this unless I want to suffer consequences that are worse than those of allowing faceless authorities to have a certain amount of power over my actions.  Does that mean I’m happy doing it?  No, not usually.  My paycheck can be really depressing when I look at the difference between what I’ve earned and what I’m actually getting paid.  When my alarm goes off at 5.45 on a Monday morning, I often feel like I just want to cry.  When I have an overbearing parent demanding individualised daily feedback on their child, I want to scream.  When my boss is getting me to do another pointless, repetitive task which serves no real purpose and just takes time away from me doing my actual job, I want to throw things at her.  But I am resigned to the fact that I will never have complete power over my day to day life.  So, like so many others in my position, I make do.  I largely follow the rules, I grumble about the ones I don’t like, and I hope that as I get older, as I get more experienced in my career, as I gain more understanding of how the world works, I’ll gradually gain a little more control, a little more power, and with it a little more satisfaction.  Will I ever be completely happy with how much control other people can have over my life?  Certainly not before taxes become optional…

(Illustration by Eddie Young)

Ah, poor money, it gets such a bad name doesn’t it?  ‘Root of all evil’, ‘filthy lucre’, ‘filthy rich’ to name a select few phrases…  And lest we forget, it can’t buy happiness.  Or can it?  My morally correct side wants to say no, but the realist in me knows how much I smile on payday…  I think the phrase should be recoined, ‘money can’t buy happiness’ is incorrect; ‘money alone can’t buy happiness’ is more accurate.

This is easier to admit to ourselves if we look at it from the other side – a lack of money seems to make everything else worse.  Think how much more stressed or worried you feel about everything, or just how much more miserable you feel, when you’re broke.  I’m sure we’ve all had that horrible feeling, that knot in our stomach, when the phone billl / gas bill / credit card statement / electric bill / bank statement / whatever else comes through the door and we’re standing there thinking ‘oh God, how much is this costing me?’  It’s horrible!  It genuinely makes me feel miserable, I hate having to count every penny…  And how great are those first few days after payday?!  You can spend, you can buy that extra videogame / get your hair done / go out for dinner / whatever else your ‘treat’ is and don’t need to feel (as) bad about it.  So ok, maybe money on it’s own isn’t enough, but damn, it sure helps…

But when is enough enough?  When do we stop wanting more money?  It’s easy to look at people like Donald Trump, Alan Sugar, David Beckham, Angelina Jolie and exclaim ‘Nobody needs that much money!’ but that need-want divide is very blurry at times, and when would our desire for more stop?  No matter how much my salary has increased since I entered the world of work, I can always spend it all, and am always looking forward to the next payrise, which I am quite convinced I need, despite managing to survive just fine on my current salary.

When you talk to people about money, most of us have the same answer ‘I just want enough to be comfortable and not have to worry’ – it’s always my answer, yet am I uncomfortable at the moment?  Sure, I have to keep an eye on things at the end of the month, and once or twice I’ve been on the verge of calling my mum to ask for a(nother) loan, but in general terms, I can afford my rent and bills, keep myself in games and clothes and food, fly home 2 or 3 times a year, fly elsewhere every so often, yet I still want more.  I want to be able to own my own home, not rent, to buy a nice car, to not have those few days at the end of the month where I have to check I’m not spending too much.  I’m unsatisfied, and so is everyone else I know well enough to discuss finances with.  Everyone has that unattainable dream, that ‘thing’ they want but just can’t afford, and surely, the Trumps, Sugars, Beckhams and Jolies of the world are the same?  Of course they’re not gonna work for free, or donate their whole paycheck to charity, because despite you and I thinking that there’s no way anyone needs to earn multiple millions of dollars a year, to them, it’s theirs, and not only do they want it, they positively need it.

So will we ever reach the point of being satisfied?  Of thinking enough’s enough?  I doubt it.  I don’t think there will ever stop being things we want but can’t afford or can’t justify spending the money on.  It’s a natural progression – you attain one level and then you’re frustrated that it’s not the next level up, so that becomes your new ‘ideal’ and anything less will just never quite be good enough.

Image created by Eddie Young